Sunday, 5 September 2010

So here's a big one....

Day 10 - songs you listen to when you are happy, sad, bored, hyped, mad

This one was quite difficult I think... As I listen to all sorts... Ok. Lets think...

Happy - Transylvania - Mcfly... Anything by Mcfly! I love them. Actually LOVE THEM.

Sad - Looking back on Today - The Ataris. Why is it that when you feel sad you just listen to stuff that makes you feel a wee bit sadder? A form of self harm? Who knows. This one is pretty and the lyrics are lovely and it just makes me cry harder. Nice one.

Bored - Skid Row (downtown) - Little Shop Of Horrors Soundtrack. I could listen to anything when I am bored... And being as I like singing I will listen to anything to sing along to. Musicals kick ass!

Hyped - Lo Fi Fnk - City. This song just gives me so much energy and I could just dance around all day... The whole album in fact is awesome. Check them out!

Mad - Siberian Kiss - Glassjaw. Actually the whole "Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About Silence" album. Its so heavy and lyrical and awesome and amazing. And you can scream it.

Day 11 - Another picture of you and your friends

Day 12 - How you found out about blogger and why you have one

Jeeeezzz. I dont even remember it was over a year ago I think now... I remember thinking I wanted to put my cake pictures somewhere and write down bits and bobs and I think I googled blog and this came up. I remember being very proud of myself for having an "area" of the internet that was all mine and it was all nice and special. I remember the feeling and I remember the feelings I had about other things at the time and I remember the house and the smells and all that.
How weird. I havent even thought about that. In fact when I read through the old posts I feel sad as things have changed so much since then and some not for the better I dont think. I dont know. I dont like to read the old posts. Nostalgia huh. Sometimes such a bastard.

Day 13 - A letter to someone who has hurt you recently

Dear Mike,

I know its not your intentions and maybe its mostly me too I dont know. But I am hurting and all I want is for you to make it better. I feel like i have lost you. I have lost the friend I fell in love with. I have lost the guy I care about so much. It seems like yesterday that we hung out all the time sharing laughs and secrets and now a days I feel like a distant memory to you. Thats just around.

I know things have gotten complicated between us and I know it has always been me that has felt more than I should for you. But you have always known that and yet we still got carried away. Maybe I should have been strong enough to say no... but even to this day I cant resist. How could I? End of the day... the way I feel about you and then I get to be so close to you and feel like its just me and you against the world.... Feel wanted... Feel loved.... Even if it is just for the night.

It makes me a glutton for punishment I know. And I guess all in all it is MY fault. I really really should say no. But thats not the issue. The issue is the feeling of you distancing yourself from me and pushing me away.

Being mean to me to make me not want to be around you. Thing is little do you know the more you try to push me away the more I want to fight back.

I just want my friend back. I want the old times. I know things change. But I dont want it to. I want to look for christmas trees with you and I want to cuddle up to you when we watch fireworks. I adore winter with you more than you could ever know and just writing this brings tears to my eyes as I am not sure it will ever be the same.

Thing is I dont understand why. Its ridiculous. I am embarrassed for being so blind and writing it down I can totally see how stupid it sounds... You just want to turn around and say "No Char thats not what I want. Ever." Whereas I cant see it. I just cant see it. I basically see the friends we are/were and the other stuff that goes on and I dont see why we cant put it together and be happy.

That is all.

Please dont push me away. Just talk to me.
All my love xxx

Day 14- A picture of you and your family

Gran, Me, Auntie Helen, Cousin Thomas, Cousin Grace, Daddy, Brother Joel & Mom.

Day 15- Put you ipod on shuffle: first 10 songs that play

Listen - Beyonce
The River - Bruce Springsteen
You dont have to say you love me - Dusty Springfield
Summer Rain - Belinda Carlisle
I slept with someone in Fall Out Boy and all I got was this stupid song written about me - Fall Out Boy
I dont care - Shakespeares Sister
I see You, You see me - The Magic Numbers
Screamager - Therapy?
Raintown - Deacon Blue
Objects in the rearview Mirror - Meatloaf

Day 16- Another picture of yourself

Day 17- Someone you would want to switch lives with for one day and why

i always wanted to swap lives with Brigitte Marquardt from Girls of the Playboy Mansion. Just because she was soooo lovely and so pretty and so nice and lived in the Playboy Mansion!!! I always got the impression that anyone that would live in the Playboy Mansion would be a complete whore and not ever someone I could imagine swapping lives with but I think they did pretty good when they aired that programme as it did show a real side to such a glamourous lifestyle. And I am sure that anyone that watched it would know that Bridge is so sweet and you almost automatically fall in love with her. So her.

Or Frankie Sandford from the Saturdays... why? because a. shes double hot and b. goes out with Dougie from Mcfly and I would totally like to be in his bed.

Day 18- Plans/dreams/goals you have

Right now... nothing. I have no inspiration. sorry. I know thats not what you are supposed to say.

The other day I nearly crashed the car. Head on collision at 70mph. And all I could think was I couldnt kill Kam... She had only just come back from travelling. didnt think anything about me. So dont expect any goals/dreams/plans.

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