I am being super healthy at the moment... and by super healthy I just mean I am trying to not eat the world...or my feelings... so I am being healthy. In our house we say "we're on health". And we dont do things by halves. Normally we count calorie of everything going, eat only vegetables and the odd bit of prawn or chicken, do exercise, join gyms, buy a wii fit board, watch diet programmes. But I am in it for the long haul this time. I am still doing all of the above... minus the only vegetables thing...because lets be fair noone can go on like that. Although a bonus to me is that I love love love veg, especially anything green, so I can eat a tonne of it. But I am making healthy things like veg in tomato sauce with brown rice and things and eating a breakfast of ryvita and philli light and eating soup for lunch that kind of thing. I have the odd slip up here and there but I am trying to train myself to not see this a complete failure and eat a whole cake but to simply say "oh no you've eaten 27 biscuits... you must now not even so much as look at a biscuit for 7 days!" You know, that kind of thing hahah.
AND! I have not had a chocolate bar for a WEEK! (bear in mind I did have one of Rachels guinness chocolate cupcakes mentioned below... but still its not a chocolate bar... and for those that dont know me THAT my friends is what keeps me alive!) SO a week for me is proper hardcore. I let the boy know last night that I had not had any chocolate and he congratulated me. Then I told him I also thought I was falling apart inside body and mind because of this fact and that I didnt think I could go on... so he kindly said that tonight he would have a chocolate bar and give me 2 squares. AND its GOLDEN CRISP. AND its his last one! Thats the kind of boy he is. Nice and thoughtful. WHEN HE WANTS TO BE. (there are times when he can be such a nob, but thats by the by and I think hes awesome anyway... flaws included.)
ANYWAY... I digress... so I'm on soup again today although I can smell everyones food in the office and someone had a chip bap and the chips smelt so good and she had mayo and cheese on the chips... BUT I stayed strong and I avoided the canteen and went to the coffee shop instead for soup and a roll. And it was mushroom soup and I LOVE LOVE LOVE mushrooms... so much so that my friend Mark calls me a mushroom perve... but then again he cant stand mushrooms and he calls anyone that eats so much as one a mushroom perve... but its HORRIBLE. And I am not a picky picky eater. But I cannot stomach it. Its fresh and its blended. But not very well. And the only thing that I am picky about if LUMPS. mashed potatoes... lumps? NO TA. I dont know what else comes with lumps... (well apart from NEXT mushroom soup) but I am pretty sure I wouldnt like it. So disappointingly I cannot eat the soup.
So I have been and brought a pack of french fries... only 97 cals dont you know... and a muller cherry yogurt. All set. F. you soup. (sat on the desk taunting me...git)
I am trying to curb my swearing. I am a disgrace. I apologise in advance. I am changing all swears for the first initial. I have decided. Especially around the office. I think people think I am funny a bit but you only need one person who is new and doesnt like it and it can open up a whole can o' worms.
Yesterday I made a big cake... Not a massive cake but a big cake for me... for a girl at work.... And I didnt like it. NOT one little bit. I am nervous about big cakes. They frighten me a bit. I am not comfortable with them. It looked alright (pics to come) but I still felt like it was the enemy. If it had a name it would have been Paul. Even though it was pink. It looked like a paul and was shifty and if it could look it would have been sneering at me. Shooting the evils. I hate Paul.
** I apologise if you are called Paul... or know someone called Paul... or if your dad/brother/uncle is called Paul... Its a generalisation. I dont even know anyone called Paul. Except Paul Daniels... well I dont know him but I think hes a bit weird...**
SO, last night Paul caused me a bit of heartache just because he was being a general s. And the boy also caused me a bit of heartache. Also being a general s. The boy and a cake. A pair of idiots. I bet he's never been compared to a cake before. Well I may have said he's yummy like cake but never compared him to a bad cake. Hmph to the boy.
He was coming for tea and I was making a thing with chicken veg chilli low fat natural yogurt and rice. (He's tryin to be healthy too) to be honest that day I didnt really fancy it but I had said I would make it and I thought he would really like it because he likes spicy. and I had text him in the day to say "you still on for dinner yo!" you know, that kind of thing, but he didnt reply but I didnt think owt of it because sometimes hes with people all day at work and doesnt even look at his phone... BUT ANYWAY... I start stressing because the kitchen is a state and I have to make Paul and I kinda wanna go hang out at the bar and play the quiz with the boy and have dinner and stuff. SO I manage to get out of work half hour early and convince ma to pick me up we drive to the local cooperative stores and purchase ingredients for dinner and then she drops me off. I start tidying and start panicking that I look like s. So I need to do something about that before he comes over etc etc. AND I still have to bake paul.
As I am washing up I think... if the boy texts me and says "can we leave it" I will not be fussed. BUT. At 6pm. 6! SIX. he texts and says in response to my 3pm text... "Oh I forgot, I have pasta sauce that needs eating so gonna have that".
ERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR. Forgive me if I am wrong but this upset me a bit. I'm not irrational. I'm not a permanent a. hole. I'm not one of those clingy girly girls. BUT! have the decency to apologise.
SO I burst into tears (its that time...) and have a little sob whilst washing the pots (I think it was the stress of creating Paul which also contributed to this little outburst) I decide not to text him as I am too mad at the fact that sometimes he is a thoughtless a. hole.
The later I calm down a bit and say "I'm not mad about tonight. I was a bit upset at first but nevermind, Im just saying Im not a monster, If you had just said at any point in the day 'i dont reckon I am up for later' it would have been fine. Don't treat me like an idiot. I'm not mad just a bit meh etc..." there was more but its boring to you out there...
but the point is he text and said he was sorry he was being thoughtless and crap. and he would make it up etc etc. So thats lovely.
**THIS POST IS LONG... SOZ**
So then I made Paul... and in a way wanted to scream at him. But he's done and I will NOT be making a big cake again. NO.
Then I watched fat families, biggest loser & diet tribe with gabby topped off with some SATC reruns and then went to bed happy.
So all is not lost.
If you dont watch fat families. You should do. Google it. Its funny.
OH! Funnier is Lorraine Kellys Big Fat Challenge... With the Chawner family. The huge girl that auditioned for Xfactor - her family. Its truly disgusting. And funny. But only because they are so fat and in no way prepared to even help themselves and just expect to live off benefits because they are too fat to work and they need to fund their junk food diet. Truly disgusting.
Its been ages since I typed about what was happening in my world so I thought I would.
I really enjoy reading everyone elses... not to say that any of you will enjoy reading mine... but least I get to vent I guess.
If you do read and have got this far without falling asleep. MANY MANY thanks. You deserve a medal.
I will send medals.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
